So they say your bra shouldn’t have a birthday, do they? Bullshit, unless your goal is to sell more bras. I’ve been rocking my favorite for the last four years and it’s still holding my boobs in place like it’s supposed to.
Oh, and another thing: if bras really aren’t made to last longer than a year, why don’t manufacturers just start making better ones? Srsly.
Anyhow, when you get unnaturally attached to things like I do, you’re bound to hang onto your stuff a little bit longer than most people would. With that in mind, here are my standards for finally pitching a bra:
10. You can stretch the straps over your head without taking it off.
9. You’re getting scratched by the safety pins you put in the band after it stretched too much
8. It smells like you already ran in it even when it’s freshly laundered
7. It’s easier to take it off by pushing it down over your hips instead of pulling it up over your head
6. No, you’re not just paranoid: dudes at the gym are definitely watching you in puzzled awe while you’re on the treadmill.
5. “What’s that slapping noise…?”
4. There’s a permanent chafing line around your entire torso from the “elastic,” which…
3. …doesn’t “stretch” so much as it “crackles.”
2. You can fit your phone in there. And your wallet, keys, ipad and actually your whole purse.
1. It hasn’t had a birthday, it’s had ten.
How old are your sports bras?