Treadmill Tip of the Week: Quit Whining and Get on The Damn Treadmill Already

Remove Shadow from your lap and get on the damn treadmill, Oregano!
Remove Shadow from your lap and get on the damn treadmill, Oregano.

Seriously, stop what you’re doing. Stop reading this. Get on the treadmill.

Why aren’t you on it yet? Oh, you hate the treadmill? Well you must hate running then, because if you loved running even the giant patch of black ice outside wouldn’t stop you from doing it. If you loved running, you would just get on the damn treadmill.

What’s that? You get bored on the treadmill? Get a book on tape. Download a podcast. Watch TV. Download a special playlist of those greatest boy band hits you’re embarrassed to tell anyone you like. Get on the damn treadmill.

The treadmill makes you feel slow? Yeah well, champ, everyone feels a little slower on the treadmill. That’s because it’s boring. See above.

Get on the damn treadmill.

Confused about whether the treadmill will give you as good of a workout as running outside? Do you sweat on the treadmill? Does your heart beat faster on the treadmill? Do you move when you’re on the treadmill? Here’s how you solve this problem: walk over to the treadmill, step onto it, start pushing buttons until you are running, then stop pushing buttonsย and run. Here, let me rephrase that: get on the damn treadmill.

Oh, but you’re warm and comfy right now and you don’t want to go to the treadmill? Think about how warm and comfy you’ll be after you fail at your next race. Think about the feeling of missing your goal by ten minutes. Yes, ten. TEN. Because that’s what happens to losers who don’t get on the damn treadmill.

You can even take selfies on the treadmill like Pimento, so even your vanity isn't a good excuse!
You can take selfies on the treadmill like Pimento, so even your vanity isn’t a good excuse.

I hate to break it to you, but the laundry/root canal/alien abduction/firefighting can wait. The dog can hold it. Your husband can watch the kids for one hour of his life. Your job will not fire you ย … not unless they find out what a lazy slob you are. Get on the damn treadmill.

Move the cat off your lap, granny!

PUT DOWN THE ICE CREAM, BERTHA.

Get on the damn treadmill.

Are you sitting on your ass watching TV? How convenient, because you would be better at life if you wereย watching the same thing while you’re running on the damn treadmill.

You know what’s great about Salty Running? You can enlarge the text and read it while you’re on the damn treadmill.

Whatever it is, whatever excuse you have, it’s not nearly as good as the excuse you’re going to make tomorrow.

Get on the damn treadmill.

What’s your favorite excuse?

Cinnamon made Salty Running, takes lots of pictures and drinks lots of coffee. She has 8 more minutes to knock off her marathon for a 3:40 BQ, and will get there or die trying. Her writing is an eclectic mix of finding wholeness as an average runner, news reporting, curious reactions, satirical humor and more.

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14 comments

    1. Bertha has fast become a regular character in behind the scenes Salty communications. ? Her favorite things: cheeseburgers, ice cream, remote controls and excuses.

  1. I actually like the treadmill most of the time- but admittedly Had to tell myself to suck it up and just do it yesterday when I wasn’t feeling like it! Stupid Bertha!

  2. Lol. I actually don’t mind the treadmill at all — I bribe myself with treadmill-only binge tv watching.

    But I had to say that the root canal probably shouldn’t be put off. I had an emergency one once, and I was basically useless until the pain was gone. Definitely put off the alien abduction, though.

  3. This is just what I needed! LOL! Unfortunately, I’m at work, so I can’t get on the treadmill yet. But after work … no excuses!