5 Reasons Running is Better than Football

Super Bowl weekend has arrived! And that’s great news for those of us hoping the media will shut up about Tom Brady’s balls and start focusing on more important matters, such as lost puppies and heroic horses.

All the hype of The Big Game got me thinking about the sport we obsess over.  Football is great and all, but anyone who ran cross country in high school knows who really rules the fall sports season.  For many of us this Sunday’s main event (and main excuse to binge on nachos) is our long run, and while the pregame show is debating deflating, I’ll be icing my butt and feeling superior to those guys on TV who painted their bulging beer bellies to match their team.

I can think of so many, but for your Friday, here are 5 reasons running is better than football!

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#1 – Case in point!

1. Our cheerleaders are much younger and way cuter.

Buxom babes in miniskirts are fine, but who doesn’t love a little kid on the sideline with a “Go Mommy!!” sign?  In fact, it’s pretty amazing to me that the NFL hasn’t figured this out yet and strategically placed players’ children in the front rows.  It could really help them win points with the “wholesome family entertainment” crowd!

2. There’s no such thing as a Hail Mary in a marathon. Any surge a runner musters in the final seconds of a race can be traced back to miles and miles of training. And while it’s true for most of us that our opponent’s best defense is a steep incline, at least it won’t give us a traumatic brain injury.  And in the last mile we might do a little of our own wishing and praying for a natural disaster to bring the race to a premature and merciful end, but when we see we’re close to our goals there’s no back-pocket strategy to employ other than Go Faster.  Luck has nothing to do with it!

3. Pound for pound, runners pack a serious punch. My guess is we’re looking a 4-1 ratio of marathoner to linebacker (not that size matters). And sure, most of us can’t flip a 400 pound tire, but last I checked, the purpose of a tire is to help things go faster over a long distance. We’d be more likely to buy the tire a beer and ask it for training tips.
4. Silly football players, halftime is for sissies! As a spectator no one will dispute that halftime shows are far more entertaining than watching the hoardes go by while waiting for your runner, only to get a blurry snapshot of her back. As wonderful as it sounds to take a 20 minute breather halfway through a marathon, that would make it, well, a half marathon. If it’s entertainment and drama you want, then football (and soap operas) win that prize… Hmm. Maybe they’re on to something.  Look for the Wellesley College Boston Marathon Halfway Show this April!
5. Marathoners run (fully inflated) balls out for waaaay more than 500 yards.
Like I said, we all know who the badass is here.
*To all the football fans that may have been offended by this post, please forgive me. I’m a Cleveland Browns fan, so that should explain some things. Please, take pity!
So, what’s it gonna be, Salties? Who wins this weekend? Football or Running? Seahawks or Patriots? Puppies or Other Puppies?

Recovering corporate hamster-wheeler turned Alaskan hausfrau, mother of two and running enthusiast. Kind of a June Cleaver in tempo shorts...minus the makeup and vacuum. Will run to great lengths to get a moment of peace.

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3 comments

  1. Girl, you know I’m right there with you on all of this, including being a Browns fan. Sigh… Having said that, Go Seahawks!

  2. While you are comparing apples and oranges, it’s just sports entertainment by talented athletes. My suggestion is that runners should ignore the pre-game hype shows and pound out a 10 miler. Go Redskins!