5 Reasons this GenX Runner is Converting to Millennialism

fri5First there was minimalism and now, after people finally realized those Vibram things were really not the best, we’ve moved on to maximalism. But forget about all that, let’s talk about Millennialism, because today’s the day I’m converting.

As a member of Generation X (a very young member of Generation X, I might add), hearing about how good Millennials have it gives me #FOMO. My parents made me do stupid stuff because they said so, my teachers weren’t afraid to give me C’s when I did average work, and I was subjected to perms. The nerve! Instead of working on fortifying an already-healthy abundance of self-esteem, my teen years were spent moping in flannel. Perhaps worse, my trainers for high school track practice were those bad Hoka knock-offs, Saucony Jazz. We only knew about brands from the Eastbay catalogue and nutrition meant three squares. I think we even stretched before running. The horror!

Anyway, with all this talk of how good Millennials have it, I decided I’m going to convert.

Before my conversion I often felt hopeless, like reality really does bite.
Before my conversion. I don’t know why but I often feel like reality bites; earning shit and running in cotton kinda sucks.

1. I need more medals in my life.

I used to roll my eyes like a good moper at finisher medals, but now I realize I deserve them! I #wokeuplikethis, put on clothes and strenuously traveled from one place to another. I deserve to be recognized for my achievements!

2. Commitment is overrated.

When I get bored with this whole running thing, it’s on to the next fitness trend. Salty CrossFit, anyone? Salty Barre? Salty Soul Cycle? Salty Crunning?

3. me. Me. ME!

How silly was I to think blogging and social media were about sharing something of value with you. Dudes, from now on it’s all about ME! ME ME ME! Every post will have “I” in the title. And every post will be about some product I’m shilling. And every comment and ‘like’ I give you is only so you’ll like and comment on my stuff, obvs. And if you don’t tell me my selfies are stunning I will get the SADZ for realz. lol.

4. As an elite person, I deserve the best.

Why are elite privileges at races saved for elite runners? That’s bullsh*t! I’m an elite person. I pay my taxes. I make my bed. I eat whole grains. I want a heated tent to hang out in before lining up. I want a real flushing toilet to poop in before I race. I want hot young guys to carry me to my post-race massage after I finish a 5k so that I can be on fleek for my post-race selfie. COME ON, BAE!

20 miles easy in 6:37 pace, a little bullet-proof recovery kombucha and a relaxing IT Band foam rolling sesh. ---------------------------------------------------------------- Since my conversion I have the courage to start my journey to finding social media stardom. It's never easy, but if I get 300 shares of this post, I will feel secure enough to skip my prescription tonight. #foodlessfriday #butterinmyrottentea #findingbliss #running
I did a very strenuous 2.63 mile run, followed by a little bullet-proof recovery kombucha, and a relaxing IT Band foam rolling sesh.                                                                       –  ————————————————————–   Since my #conversion I have the #courage to start my #journey to finding social media #stardom. It’s never easy, but if I get 300 shares of #this post, I will feel secure enough #to skip my prescription tonight. #foodlessfriday #butterinmyrottentea #findingbliss #running #imnotevensponsoredbythisbrandsovisitmygofundme

5. Oh, have you seen my GoFundMe yet?

I almost forgot! How silly of me, lol! I need your help. You see I have these big running goals (well, next month it might be CrossFit, but that’s beside the point) and I can’t reach them while taking care of my kids, my house, and … my life all by myself. I need a nanny, a housekeeper, a chef to prepare my vegan paleo whole clean cleansing macrobiotic raw diet (sponsored by NutriCanOlogy™), a masseuse, a live-in life coach, a live-in running coach, a live-in personal trainer, an indoor pool for recovery and cross-training, a few more treadmills in my basement in case the one I have gets boring and with all these people and things I’m going to need a bigger house too, because YOLO. But please, this struggle is real. Please help me. It’s a good cause 🙂

***

Oh Millennials, I hope you know I’m just a bitter grungy old lady making fun of all the silly stereotypes of you that are not based in reality at all. You know I love you, bae.

Are you a millennial runner? A Gen X’er? A Boomer? How do you think the generations differ when it comes to running, if at all?  

Salty Running boss and mother of 3 little ones with PRs of 3:10:15 (26.2), 1:25:59 (13.1) and 18:15 (5k). I love to write about running culture, mental training, and fitting in a serious running habit with the rest of a busy life.

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25 comments

  1. Hahaha, I love this!! I technically am a millennial, but then I take those Buzzfeed quizzes and it tells me I actually don’t fit the mold so well. I’m oddly proud of that, but then I AM taking a Buzzfeed quiz… so that kinda negates that point. Anyway, no matter what I am, I found this #hilarious. (I used to be jealous of the cool kids in their Umbro shorts…)

    1. OMG OMG OMG I took one of those Buzzfeed quizzes recently and it said I was 78% millennial, so … I really think the fact that I have a landline screwed me.

  2. The umbro shorts transport me back to soccer days, back when I also lived in Adidas shoes. My how times have changed.I believe I’d be considered a Millennial but never really feel like one…like Tea said..I feel like if I were to take a quiz it would tell me I’m an old lady trapped in a 28 year old body. I do like my Instagram and hashtags though #guilty.

  3. As a boomer runner, let’s face it, most boomers did not run when young. When we did, we wore baggy tee-shirts, cotton gym shorts and flat-bottomed Keds. I didn’t think about carrying a water bottle even when running 14-15 miles to help friends train for marathons. I didn’t eat in any particular way (my eating was already bizarre), didn’t have running books, didn’t sign up for destination races (I ran Avenue of the Giants road almost weekly), and was often the only woman running the roads around our northern California town. Not to say I didn’t wearing blazers with shoulder pads, though, to keep up with fashion trends. Ah, to be young again!!!

    1. I bow down to your baddassness, Sage! I love that you didn’t give a ____ what anyone thought and just did your thing. YOU deserve all the trophies!

  4. I’m Gen-X, and like above, most Gen-Xers I knew did not run when young except for The Mile in PE. We didn’t think we had the ability to be runners because we consistently failed the Presidential Physical Fitness Test because we couldn’t run a sub-8 Mile. I’m not sure what the cut-off really was, but I know when I proudly worked down to my first 9-minute mile it was still barely passing. If we did run outside PE class, it was 1-2 miles jogging to lose weight, and it was horrible of course, because 1-2 miles. We didn’t really get into running until our 40s, when 9 minute miles were admirable and we could run a whole marathon at 9 minute pace and qualify for Boston. I will take the Millennial medals, because in running, just getting out there and doing it is winning enough for me. (In every other way I’m a grumpy Gen-Xer muttering about those entitled millennials and reading those memes about “if you grew up in the 70s/80s you remember this.” Are those things memes? Or listicles?)

      1. Somehow this pudgy kid managed to do the sit ups record. Don’t know how that happened. Running when young – HA. The gym teacher was lucky I didn’t fall over just STANDING STILL.

    1. We had to run around our school yard. I don’t remember having to meet a time. Did we have to climb a rope? And do a bunch of sit-ups along with the bar hang (see below)? Ironically, it was kind of Soviet feeling – these government sponsored calisthenic goals for children.

    1. ZOMG me too. FAKE? My generation doesn’t even exist? I’m actually a GenXer? I think deep down in my heart I knew I was. My Doc Martens should have been a tip off, anyway.

    2. Cinnamon and I are 5.5 years apart and it totally felt like we had different childhoods. I was born in the last year of the original Gen X and she was solidly in Gen Y and it made sense. Now my world has been turned upside down! I have to share a generation with you now too, Cinnamon?! Can’t I get anything to myself?!!!

  5. Remember the “flexed arm hang” in the presidential fitness test? I sucked at that. I thought I was Gen Y for the longest time but turns out I am really a young Gen X. The good news is everything I read about Gen X now (I read a lot about this stuff, as my employer is currently obsessed with catering towards the new Millenial workforce) says that Gen X is hitting its stride and ready to lead the world. Thanks for the giggles this morning!

    1. Not to brag, but I’m about to brag. I almost got the school record for the arm hang! I missed it by 4 seconds! If I knew I would have made it happen, but they told me AFTER I dropped. ARGH! I was one of those obnoxious gold star hoarders in elementary school – eek.

  6. I’m a young GenXer who tries to stay #onfleek to keep up with her much younger Millennial sister. I hashtag my words and ‘gram my food, but deep down I’m still a girl wearing flannel, in love with Ethan Hawke.
    And Umbros. Oh the Umbros. I didn’t play soccer, but EVERYONE wore Umbros.

  7. I love it when you’re sassy! Also, I used to run in converses. Because back in 1986 that’s what people freaking ran in. Ahhh how times have changed! #blessed

  8. I’m a Millennial and I definitely had to do the Presidential fitness tests. They were the worst. The. Worst. “Let’s test you on things you should be able to do even though we spent the year playing floor hockey and not doing anything that would prepare you for a fitness test.” I also ran in cotton until about 2 years ago. Anyway, a lot of this is pretty spot on and cracked me up. Sometimes I feel I’m an outlier because I don’t participate in “Medal Monday” or think 5Ks or 10ks should even give out medals. And I don’t have time to take action shots of myself running to post on Instgram. But I guess I’m on the older side of the Millennials (didn’t have a smartphone until after college!).

  9. I’m a gen Y converted to X cause Y doesn’t exist. Oh God, the Presidential fitness test. It gave me such an inferiority complex that I didn’t do any sports of any kind between the ages of 10 and 34. I used band to get out of PE in middle school and high school. I broke my 4th grade mile record of 9:34 (new mile PR is 8:20) last week, and was shocked by how much that mattered.