If you’ve been running for a while now, you’re almost sure to share some of these items we Saltines had in common floating around in our closets. From amnesia tees to zombie gear, you’re sure to have a few of these yourself!
1. Incorrectly sized and ill-fitting tee from your first or favorite marathon
Who cares if it’s an unflattering shade of green, two sizes too big, or cut for someone shaped the exact opposite of you? So what? You went sub-xxx for the first time during that race and you’re darn well holding on to this shirt as a souvenir!
2. Nylon shorts from high school
Is it a pair of split shorts from track team or stretched-out poly-blend from gym class? Either way, there’s no way you’re throwing them out. Too many sentimental memories … all those laps! Never mind that you can’t actually wear them because they’re threadbare and see-through and also nearly 20 years old.
3. Zombie throwaways, back from the dead
You’re pretty sure you used those bulky-but-too-tight sweatpants as a throwaway before your half-marathon last year, but somehow they’re back in your closet. Did some good Samaritan spot your husband cheering for you at the start and hand it to him? Did you happen to see them in the box after the race and pick them up? Or, like a certain Saltine, maybe you found the very same ones left behind after a group run. And what’s with the tube-sock arm warmers that haunt your sock drawer? Did you ditch them at mile 6, or just absent-mindedly stuff them into your waistband?
4. Five pairs of your favorite shorts
…which you stalk until they go on sale, then buy another pair, so that you always have enough clothes to run doubles during summer. You can never have too many of the perfect thing, right? RIGHT???
5. Skirt you bought on sale at the tail end of the skirt-trend
Years ago, while everyone was moving on to short-shorts with yoga waistbands, you broke down and finally bought a running skirt. Those little pleats are super cute, but it doesn’t really fit right. It’s ever-so-slightly too big in the waistband, and the built-in bike shorts are ever-so-slightly too tight at the thigh and give you sausage-leg. And you’re not even sure a teenager could get away with the style. How embarrassing. Strictly for laundry day.
6. A lone, sagging athletic swimsuit
For all the times you swear you’ll start pool-running or swimming as cross-training but never make it to the pool because that thing is cold. Face it, you’ll always prefer to hop on the treadmill instead. And sure, you could wear it recreationally, but it gives you saggy butt and it’s not as cute as your two piece.
7. Two or more broken watches
RIP to your fourth Timex Ironman in 15 years. Those were some good times. Get it? Times.
8. Race beanie you only wear for two months of the year
It saved your life — or at least your ears — after that chilly, rainy spring race. But it’s a muddy shade of grey, emblazoned with a screaming orange race logo, and coordinates with literally nothing else you own. You save it for early morning winter runs at zero-dark-thirty so no one can see you wearing it.
9. A shirt from a race you have no recollection of running
You’re dead certain you slept in the morning of the 2007 Plainsfield Turkey Trot 5-Miler, so why do you have the (flattering, perfectly sized) race shirt?
10. Pile of old, stretched-out sports bras
Reserved solely for changing into after races and runs so that you don’t have to suffer through Soggy Bra all the way home. Because you absolutely won’t get a ‘good’ bra dirty unless you’re running in it.