Dear Saltines and Salty readers,
Life as a mom – it’s amazing, different, hard, exhausting, and wonderful.
How can it be all those things at once? I haven’t figured that one out yet, but it really is. I am writing this post as my son snoozes away during one of his very few catnaps during the day while I sip my 4-time reheated coffee I made earlier this morning. Finding time to myself is not easy these days. It’s something I have truly struggled with since my first day home from the hospital. My husband encouraged me to MAKE time. How do you make time? There are dishes to do, floors to be swept, errands to run, baby to entertain, feed, change, bathe, dog to walk, meals to be cooked, and now I need to make time for me too?
Not to mention I work three days of the week, and I leave the house at 6am those days only to get home at 8:15pm or later.
This past weekend, I ran a half marathon. Well, I tried to run one. Let me start from the beginning.
After having William, I set a soft goal for myself to run a few half marathons throughout the fall and try to get my time low enough to qualify for the NYC Marathon next year. I didn’t tell a lot of people about it, because I wasn’t sure how it was going to turn out. You see, I am on a bit of a time-crunch here. If all goes as planned (which, as we all know, it rarely does…), I hope to start trying for baby #2 sometime late next year, so that means I have about one year left to run a marathon of my choosing. The clock is ticking.
I began training in September, when I ran the River Run Half Marathon in 1:41. I was pleased with my time, though it was a solid 11 minutes short of my PR, because it was my longest run post-baby and I felt pretty good the whole time!
Fast-forward to the beginning of October, when I ran a 1:38 at the Towpath Marathon. I was semi-happy with this time, though I felt like my motivation in the middle of the race was lacking. I think I was having a hard time because I realized how much effort I was putting forth to run a half marathon time that was still about 8 minutes short of my PR. Again, I know I had just had a baby 3.5 months prior, but it still was very mentally challenging for me to get past it.
Last, I just ran a new half marathon I had never ran before called the Buckeye Half Marathon in Peninsula, Ohio. It was a relatively flat course on a cool damp day. My time? 1:44. What the heck happened?
It’s all about attitude. I went into this race feeling pretty crappy about my running. Since the beginning of October, I hadn’t ran over 7 or 8 miles. I hadn’t ran more than 1 or 2 speed workouts. I hadn’t put in the time. Remember when I talked about finding the time to do things for myself? Yep, that’s a punch to the gut. Attitude truly is everything. I was so angry about my lack of effort, I think I spent more time thinking about how I should be running or doing a workout or core work, than actually finding a way to do it. Instead of training, I had chosen to do laundry or dust the house or watching my son roll over during belly time (obvs the better choice, anyway!). I ran the first 10 miles between 7:20-7:40 pace (no, not NYC qualifying pace but a respectable pace, right?). Then I hit mile 11 and bombed it. I started to walk. I felt as if I was crawling. Everyone I had passed during the race was passing me back. I was angry, sad, and disappointed all at once. I told myself to stop being a baby and encourage everyone passing me by instead, which I did. But I still was so broken hearted those last 20-something minutes.
This is where I hope you guys can come into play. How do you do it? How do you find the energy? How do you find balance? Whether you’re a mom or not doesn’t matter, I need to know. I am in such at rut. I’m semi-embarrassed by my lack of understanding of how to do it all. I want to spend time with my son, get everything done, be an awesome nurse, and reach my goals in running. But how? Is there an algorithm to follow that helps you fit it all in?
I still want to run a solid marathon next year, but I can’t decide on one, especially since I don’t think I’ll be able to qualify for NYC by the end of this year (sad face!). Any recommendations? Do you guys think I can still run a respectable time?
I need your help, your encouragement and your advice, Saltines and Salty readers!
A heavy-hearted runner momma