5 Ways Christian Grey’s Got Nothing On Running

fri5s&mSo the bestselling book turned potential blockbuster comes to theaters today, just in time for Valentine’s Day. I have not read the book. Personally, I’m more of a Magic Mike kinda girl. But it’s hard to escape the previews, the newsfeed posts, and the late night talk show circuit promoting 50 Shades of Grey. I guess it’s about a guy who’s bedroom tastes are quite different than the norm. He meets a virgin who is intrigued and from what appears in the preview, they go back and forth between pleasure and pain, both in and out of the bedroom.

We’ve all seen the memes about how running is like sex and we even shared how we think running is better than sex. But that’s just with “sex” sex. What about “Christian Grey” sex? Well, he’s got nothing on running.

1. We can handle pain a lot longer. Hello marathons, 50ks, 50 milers, 100 milers and 100 mile weeks. We wouldn’t be endurance athletes if we didn’t take a little pleasure in feeling pain.

2. Our scars last longer. Chafing and black toenails are just a few of the battle wounds that leave a lasting mark. Red hand prints last what, an hour if that?

3. DOMs. I love delayed onset muscle soreness. At times, it can be orgasmic. I’m sure Christian made Anastasia a bit sore after their first few encounters but it aint nothing compared to the pain of walking down stairs or sitting on a toilet after a PR half marathon performance.

4. We get a lot more sweaty and smelly. The trailer for the film looks way too unrealistic when it comes to sex in the sense that it’s supposed to be dirty, smelly, and sweaty, not the perfect hair with bright red lipstick that we see on the big screen. Running, like good sex, can be just that. In fact, a nice sweaty run can be the foreplay to foreplay!

Did someone say 50 shades of grey?
Did someone say 50 shades of grey? Img via Bill Abbott on flickr.

5. Nick Symmonds. Ashton Eaton. Bruce Jenner during his gold medal days. Many fans of the book think that Christian Grey was inaccurately cast with Jamie Dornan. Don’t worry, though, we’ve got a whole list of runners who can take his place in the sequel if you guys need to borrow one.

Got any more reasons why Christian Grey ain’t got nothing on running?

I write about mindfulness, mental health, and the professional sport of running with the occasional poking fun at the sport. When I am not running, I'm either helping people as a counselor or trying to make them laugh as an amateur open mic comedian.

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2 comments

  1. This made me laugh so hard! I almost spit my coffee out at #3. I read the books, and I (unfortunately) saw the movie. Don’t get me wrong, I didn’t mind looking at a shirtless Jamie Dornan for two hours, but I agree: Mr. Grey’s got nothin’ on the exquisite pain of running.