5 Salty Running Search Terms That Will Make You LOL for Realz

Slack for iOS Upload (12)Search terms sounds so boring, I know. With a site like this one, the search terms that bring people here are often dull, sure, but occasionally we get a winner.

“Marathon taper” – boring.

“Will I lose my toenail?” – slightly less boring.

“Running while breastfeeding” – wait! You can do that?

See, search terms aren’t always boring.

In fact, they can give us a glimpse into the minds of strangers … often strangers we’re glad we’ll never know, but it’s still fascinating (and occasionally disturbing) to know what these faceless people do in the illusion of privacy on the internet. While I could probably list weird search terms all day long, I’ve refined my favorites to a list of five that I thought were the most … uh … interesting.

Before we start, I want to add a blanket [sic] to every quote below.

Ok! Now that that’s out of the way, let’s get started.

5. “Smelly Clothes Vinegar”

See also: “de stink running clothes” or “running clothes smell so bad”

I never really thought about it, but I suppose we runners are a disgustingly smelly group of people, aren’t we? After a few dozen runs in which we drench those clothes with our sweat and secretions, then often let that sweat soak in and marinate real good at the bottom of a laundry basket for a week, our clothes can end up pretty funky too. But there is some hope for us, and to save you the added chore of Googling, here are three of our best posts for how to get the stank out of our clothes and ourselves.

  1. How to Get the Stink Out of Running Clothes
  2. Priorities or Why Showering Doesn’t Always Make the Cut
  3. Readers Roundtable: Post-run Showers

4. “I just ran for the bus whilst 6 weeks pregnant is my baby okay”

It’s so frustrating to show up at the bus stop, only to see it pulling away. Is your baby okay? I sure hope so. While pregnant, I never had to run for a bus, but once I did have to run towards a table of donuts to make sure I got one before they were gone. The donut was worth it and my baby was okay. If you have questions about your baby, you may be better off consulting your medical provider. Running and pregnancy are great topics though, so here are some posts that may be of interest to you (sadly none specific to running to catch a bus, though):

  1. 1st Trimester: What to Expect from Running When You’re Expecting
  2. 2nd Trimester: What to Expect from Running When You’re Expecting
  3. 3rd Trimester: What to Expect from Running When You’re Expecting
  4. Should Pregnant Runners Follow Training Plans?

3. “Sexy Joggers”

See also: “Bouncing boobs”, “Why do boobs jiggle”, or “Will running reduce th3 bum cheek?”

Do you jog sexy? Your sexiness is surely your primary concern when lacing up to hit the roads, right? I mean, who doesn’t choose a sports bra for optimum bounce or feel concerned that she might throw off her perfectly sexy waist to hip ratio if she’s not careful? Oh, riiiiiight. It’s not women runners using those search terms. It’s creeps.

  1. Sexy Joggers
  2. Hey Baby! Handling Street Harassment on the Run
  3. Second Base: A Runner’s Guide to Bouncing Boobs (this one is actually about bras and bounce management, not pervs)
Is Paprika here sexy jogging to catch the bus whilst pregnant and in need of a portapotty? Only she knows the truth.

2. “Aching in my bum cheek while running”

See also: “muscles in my bum hurt when I run”, “butt crack chafing” or “my butt goes numb when I run.”

When we’re not thinking about looking sexy while running or holding in our poo (just wait), we are likely thinking about what a pain in the ass injuries can be. From your aching bum cheeks to pains in your feet, Salty Running has you covered. And we even have one for you, “butt crack chafing” guy! RICE-on (and lube up) my runners, and heal thyself with these helpful posts!

  1. A Friendly Guide to the Runner’s Butt
  2. Crossing the Line: Admitting You Are Injured
  3. 5 Things You Just Don’t Say to an Injured Runner
  4. 5 Places You Didn’t Know You Could Chafe

1. “Bursting for poo”

See also: “how to stop pooping feeling” or “using porta potty in the dark and don’t realize it’s full.”

Bursting for WHAT? Ahh yes, the ever popular bowel movement search term. This might be the top theme throughout the search engine stats. People are just dying to know about running and pooping. There seems to be a strong desire to know where to poop, when to poop, and how to hold that poop in (even when you’re “bursting”, which might pose a particular kind of challenge). To save you from having to type in a potentially embarrassing poop question, let me provide you with some helpful Salty Running posts of days gone by that may help answer all of your burning (hopefully not) poop and pee questions:

  1. What to Do When You Have to Poop or Pee and There’s Nowhere to Go
  2. 5 Food Fixes for Your Poop Problems
  3. Stop the Trots! Is Imodium Safe for Runners?

What search query led you to us?

I'm a college mental health counselor, runner, cyclist, wife, and mom to two strong-willed children. I started running in 2011 after the birth of my last child after years of love-hate relationships with fitness. My favorite distance is the half marathon, but I love the challenge of tackling the marathon. My biggest challenge is the mental aspect of racing, but my greatest strength is I'm stubborn and never give up! I'm a free spirit, an open book, and try to be authentic both in real life as well as in my internet life. Running has given me a place to face my fears, chase goals, and stay humble. Side note: I love cats and coffee and tacos.

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  1. Sometimes humanity scares me. Also, I hope the baby wasn’t too disappointed about being late for the bus and that other person regained feeling in his butt. And anyone else really interested in the follow-up to the full portapotty thing. That’s kinda terrifying.

    1. I think I stumbled upon a “butt crack chafing guy” thread on Letsrun a while back. It was quite a disturbing thread (as are most over there), and I’m not sure I’ll ever recover.

  2. That’s hilarious! And since I’m relatively new to the Salty community, I had to click on some of the links to read the past stories, which made me laugh even more!