Uh, come again? We’re pregnant? There are very few circumstances when this statement is cool.
Two pregnant women standing next to each other berating someone for calling them fat? Totally cool, especially if followed with “you __hole.”
A not-pregnant person standing with his or her pregnant surrogate or adoption birth-mom-to-be? Way cool.
“Hey guys, Maureen and I got married 2 years ago and just celebrated our 32nd birthdays and guess what … you’ll never guess what we’re going to tell you … OMG! You’re going to be so shocked! …
Oh come on. I mean, seriously! I love when men are excited about having babies and I love when men want to be involved fathers. Men should do those things! But, sorry guys, you don’t get the right to claim you’re pregnant. If we can’t say, “we’re peeing standing up!” when our men use the toilet, men can’t get in on the whole pregnancy thing.
But maybe you’re just a guy who really wants to know what it’s like to be pregnant. If you’re one of those guys, I have some ideas for how you might experience the ‘joys’ of running during pregnancy.
1. Immediately before heading out for a run, slam six glasses of water in rapid succession … after eating a plate of nachos with extra jalapenos.
2. Give blood and then go race!
3. Buy running clothes two sizes too small and “make them work” for 5 months.
4. Stop running for 12 weeks and consume an extra dozen donuts a week above your normal diet. Around week 6 of your break/donut binge, set alarms to wake you at 3-5 random times during the night every night for the next six months minimum. Be sure to put the alarm far away from your bed and then find a difficult-to-impossible logic problem to solve to turn off the alarm each time. Then when you’re nice and out of shape, 25 pounds heavier and horribly sleep-deprived, you can start running again.
5. Ask your partner what it’s like. Pregnancy can be at once joyful, scary, exciting and incredibly frustrating, especially if mom-to-be is an athlete. She may watch her muscles go into hiding, herself slow to snail pace (not that there’s anything wrong with snails) and wonder if she’ll ever again be the athlete she once was. Talk to her about it, listen and be there for her and that will get you as close to “we’re pregnant” as you can really get.
How else might men experience the joys of running during pregnancy?