Columbus, OH. J. Bailey has been wrestling with her bra for the last 32 hours. After a 6 mile run on a sunny afternoon in 92°F temperatures, Bailey’s bra became soaked in sweat and stuck to every inch of skin with which it came into contact. First responders have been on the scene since late Thursday night. Having identified 65% humidity levels as the culprit, they have been unable to peel the bra away from her body.
“This is my favorite bra!” Bailey was heard to indignantly shout when a firefighter unwittingly suggested they cut it apart. “I paid almost seventy dollars for it!”
The bra in question was manufactured by specialty running retailer Tracksmith. Bailey bought it against the better-judgement advice from peers, who told her to shop the sale section at Running Warehouse, or to look for a bra at her local Target store. Having been reported to believe this bra would be somehow superior to other brands, Bailey had no comment when asked if she regretted the purchase.
Columbus Police Chief and former Ohio State University Track Letterwoman Kim Jacobs has released a statement to the press: “As a former Collegiate Runner, I’m no stranger to the challenges sports bras can present in summertime. We expect we’ll get Ms. Bailey out somewhere toward the end of the summer season, or sooner if she’ll let us take her into some air conditioning.”
When offered air conditioning, Bailey, a millennial, cited environmental concerns. 🐌