Life is full of ups and downs, but I did not see this one coming. Or maybe I ignored the signs. I have heard that there are always signs…I guess I didn’t pay close enough attention? I didn’t think I had to; I mean, we were just running together. He wasn’t my lover, he was my running partner.
I asked him if we would still run together when he got a steady girlfriend. He looked at me funny and said of course.
I honestly cannot tell you what happened, because I have no clue. One day we were on our way to an out of town run and when we got back I never heard from him again. Yes, I reached out to him numerous times trying to confirm our runs. I tried for a week straight to no avail. Finally I accepted the fact that we were no longer running partners.
Yes, it hurt my feelings in the beginning. I mean how dare he walk away without saying a word? And no, he was not dead, in fact he was alive and very active on Facebook. I quickly skimmed his posts to see if I could figure out what happened. And then I just did not care.
I continued to run. I just ran alone. It was easier to focus on my surroundings than when I had been running with him. I noticed more birds, trees, squirrels, and so on. I could run longer, later, slower, or faster without consulting anyone. I could think about whatever I wanted to think about.
And there were the lonely times as well, the times when I needed a little motivation to get out of the door. The times when I needed the push to run faster. Or when I did not have to think about my safety when running before the sun came up.
Three weeks later he called. He asked if I wanted to go for a run. That was it, plain and simple. I hesitated for a moment…and then said yes. I was still angry. He never said what happened or who happened. I asked, and he did not want to discuss it. So we just ran and talked about everything else. I figured if he wanted me to know eventually he would tell me. I was just happy to be running.
I now realize that a running partnership is a relationship. It is not only about me and what I need to get from it, there has to be give and take. I need to pay attention to what the other person is saying…or not saying. How he’s acting, or not acting. Sometimes words have to be spoken and expectations discussed.
I know, I know, it sounds so much like work.
I have other running relationships, but they are with women, and it seems as if running with women is so much easier. I wonder if it because we simply focus on the running. But I thought that was what I was doing with him.
Have you ever been on the outs with your running partner? Do you ever feel like your running partnership is more than just…well…running together?