It’s been a rough week at my house with three sick little kids. As luck would have it, I caught whatever crud they had and went to bed sick last night. I felt so cruddy that I resorted to imbibing a little naughty stuff found only behind the pharmacist’s counter. I brushed my teeth and watched the news a little. I saw (on NBC) that Olympic hurdler Lolo Jones made it on the U.S. Olympic bobsled team and then that warm fuzzy feeling knocked me out cold.
*cue dream sequence*
There I was, completely overdressed in Russia’s Miami, but looking Winter Olympics chic in a big down parka waiting in line for the team biathlon medal ceremony when much to my surprise, I spotted the gold medal team (after their interview with Matt Lauer, naturally).
And then after riding a tandem bike with Vladimir Putin (or I thought it was him – it’s hard to tell with all the work he’s had done), I found my way to the ski jump, where who should I see, but:
And then I headed indoors through a series of secret tunnels populated by billy goats and trolls drinking vodka shots with television executives and ended up in a giant potato shaped arena where I encountered the U.S.A. curling team warming up.
And then I was trapped inside a matryoshka doll, rolling, rolling, rolling through the streets of Sochi. And then I was falling and I crashed. The matroshkya doll cracked open and the one inside that cracked open and then one more cracked open and out I rolled, spilling onto the ice. I opened my eyes and there I was face to face with Team U.S.A.’s ladies hockey goalie.
And then a puck flew and hit me in my face. 6 teeth fell out and then the hockey teams were gone and down came teddy bears and roses. I could hear triumphant classical music and skates scraping the ice. I looked up and couldn’t believe my eyes!
BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!
And then I woke up.
Latest posts by Salty (see all)
- Make Running Great Again™! - July 22, 2016
- Readers Roundtable: What’s the Weirdest Sh*t You’ve Stumbled Upon? - July 18, 2016
- Readers Roundtable: 2016 Track Trials Most Inspiring Moments - July 11, 2016