5 Winter Olympics Backup Plans I Dreamed up for NBC

Salty

Salty

Salty has written 313 posts on Salty Running.

Mommy, lawyer, runner, writer. Competitive runner working on coming back after baby #3. Legal career on hiatus while staying home with the kids (ages 5, 4 and 1.5). Salty Running boss.

Friday 5It’s been a rough week at my house with three sick little kids. As luck would have it, I caught whatever crud they had and went to bed sick last night. I felt so cruddy that I resorted to imbibing a little naughty stuff found only behind the pharmacist’s counter. I brushed my teeth and watched the news a little. I saw (on NBC) that Olympic hurdler Lolo Jones made it on the U.S. Olympic bobsled team and then that warm fuzzy feeling knocked me out cold.

Do do do. Do do do. Do do do.

*cue dream sequence*

There I was, completely overdressed in Russia’s Miami, but looking Winter Olympics chic in a big down parka waiting in line for the team biathlon medal ceremony when much to my surprise, I spotted the gold medal team (after their interview with Matt Lauer, naturally).

 

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The 2012 U.S. Olympic 4 x 100 team is as good with rifles as they are fast on the track!

 

And then after riding a tandem bike with Vladimir Putin (or I thought it was him – it’s hard to tell with all the work he’s had done), I found my way to the ski jump, where who should I see, but:

 

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Carmelita Jeter doing double duty. Girl likes it fast!

 

And then I headed indoors through a series of secret tunnels populated by billy goats and trolls drinking vodka shots with television executives and ended up in a giant potato shaped arena where I encountered the U.S.A. curling team warming up.

 

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Kara says it’s a popular sport in Colorado.

 

And then I was trapped inside a matryoshka doll, rolling, rolling, rolling through the streets of Sochi.  And then I was falling and I crashed. The matroshkya doll cracked open and the one inside that cracked open and then one more cracked open and out I rolled, spilling onto the ice. I opened my eyes and there I was face to face with Team U.S.A.’s ladies hockey goalie.

 

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Shalane joined a team sport to cure her post-Kara loneliness.

 

And then a puck flew and hit me in my face. 6 teeth fell out and then the hockey teams were gone and down came teddy bears and roses. I could hear triumphant classical music and skates scraping the ice. I looked up and couldn’t believe my eyes!

 

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Mary Cain and Galen Rupp ice dancing. Ratings gold!

 

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

And then I woke up.

One Response to “5 Winter Olympics Backup Plans I Dreamed up for NBC”

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  1. Jessica M. says:

    LOL! These are great! Especially Cain and Rupp, obvs.

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