Bonehead Season

Chipotle

Chipotle

Doretha has written 24 posts on Salty Running.

I eat miles for breakfast, but sometimes eat them later in the day. Self proclaimed 50+ and fabulous poster child, US Army vet, college professor, avid runner, yoga enthusiast, guest columnist, used Olay since I was 17 so they should use me in at least one of their ads

Pebbles Flintstone

Based on my unscientific study, odds are Bam Bam grew up to be the real bonehead. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

First let me say that usually I feel very empowered when I eat miles or in lay people’s terms run. There is just something about hitting pavement one foot at a time that is awe inspiring and let’s be honest,  it does great things for the body.

But every now and then I run into the boneheads. Let me explain. A bonehead is a gender neutral term (although my very unscientific and skewed sampling leads me to believe that there are more men than women, but who really knows?). Anyway, it is a gender neutral term that refers to a person who goes out of his/her way to interfere with a runner’s progress. You know, like the biker who comes up behind you and scares you to death without warning or lets his or her dog run around the park without a leash.

Lately I have encountered more than the normal amount of boneheads which leads me to believe that it is bonehead season.

There is Bonehead 1. I will call him James. I don’t think that is his real name, but one can never be too sure. James is a fast runner. I know that because he told me. He told me while I was running with a group of women who were almost proud of themselves for running up the bridge without stopping. I say almost because they were proud until James passed us both ways, told us how fast he was running and before any of us could say something positive said “When are you all going to start running? You are barely moving.” I kid you not. I had a few choice words for him and we bantered back and forth until he demonstrated his swiftness and left us in his dust. Then I had to reassure those women that they were indeed running and that James was just a bonehead.

Another time there was Ken (again a made-up name and no I am not sure it isn’t really his). Ken would jump in his car, follow me while I ran and wait for me in my subdivision. He shouted to me that he would just love to run with me. I told him that I was not interested and he continued his pursuit until I called the police. One more time and I get a restraining order.

Doll parts

Don’t think she’s married either.  (Photo credit: Ivy_GD)

The other day Sam (again I have no idea if that is really his name) saw me running, stepped out in front of me and proudly stated “Your body is coming together nicely for you. Are you married? “For a split second I had a mental picture of my body in pieces coming together as I smiled said thank you and kept running. He shouted some not so nice things to the back of my head and I kept on running.  I said ‘thank you’, wasn’t that enough?

When I mentioned this to a few people one woman told me that is why she tried to appear unattractive when she ran and she made sure she was not showing skin. Okay, for the sake of argument if I ever wanted to appear unattractive, how would I do that? More importantly, why would I do that? And as for not showing any skin, it is very hot here. I dress according to the weather and for comfort.

Then the boneheads who will forever have a place in my mind are the dudes in the car. They were driving across the Cooper River Bridge looked at me and yelled out the n-word. I came to a complete stop. I was shocked beyond words. I did not know what to say as they cheered and drove off. The people around me told me to ignore them and not give that word power. Not give it power? Are they freaking kidding me? That word has enough power to do a lot of damage. That word sent chills down my spine in the middle of summer. When I told my dad, he told me that someone called me that when I was four. I asked him what happened and he gave a look that only an infantry soldier, former drill sergeant, expert marksman could give me and said “I handled it.” I am not sure what that meant, but I wish he was with me when it happened this last time.

I am not reporting on boneheads to scare you. I want you to enjoy running. I also want you to be safe, be smart, and be aware of your surroundings. Run safe: the goal of running is to finish so you can do it again.

Have you ever encountered a bonehead? 

18 Responses to “Bonehead Season”

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  1. Amanda says:

    Wow theres another word I can think of for those guys. My worst experience was a guy who almost ran me over and when I smacked he hood of his car yelled at me and chased after me

  2. Damn! I have to say the last one is evil and I hope your dad’s way of handling it was what I hope, and the first one is hideous and that’s a bunch of b.s. you have to put up with.

    While less extreme, yes, I’ve come across boneheads. The Drive By Screamers, I find to be the worst… they drive by while you are running and shout in your ear and it scares the hell and the joy right out of you. I actually wrote a revenge story all about this, if anyone is interested http://markmatthewsauthor.blogspot.com/2012/05/running-and-drive-by-screamers.html

    • Chipotle Chipotle says:

      Thanks and yes, I will agree with you the screamers are awful. I wonder if people just feel a sense of entitlement to attempt to belittle us who are out there being healthy.

  3. Salty Salty says:

    If I was with you, I think I would have gone “your dad” on their asses! WOW! They must be real winners if that was their idea of fun.

    And those other guys! Damn! I had one run where I encountered 3 park pervs in the same run. One guy was running in the opposite direction as I came to a drinking fountain. When he noticed I was stopping, he stopped too and hovered over me trying to chat me up while I was trying to drink to get on with my tempo. Nothing overt, but he gave me the creeps. Then I encountered 2 car screamers during the tempo. One was just a regular old screamer-couple of kids yelling out the window to scare me. The last guy yelled out his window, “you are the hottest woman I have ever seen!” or something along those lines. The fact that this all happened on one run makes me wonder what planets lined up that day, because I generally don’t encounter boneheads all that much!

  4. Chipotle Chipotle says:

    Yikes! I hate it when the plantes align like that. Maybe it is a test to see if we are truly serious about getting our sweat on. I was more dismayed but the woman who insinuated that it was my fault that men were trying to talk to me. Maybe one day I will try to appear unattractive. No, on second thought I would rather spend that time running!

  5. Jen says:

    I had a real bonehead shove me off the road while running last summer. he totally did it on purpose because he was laughing as he drove straight toward me on the wrong side of the road. I dove and felt my ankle pop as I ripped up the whole side of my leg going down. My ankle was nearly broken, I had to flag a car down for a ride home because I had broken my phone in the fall. Fortunately the bonehead got his comeuppance. The car that stopped to help me was an off duty cop. He helped me up, gave me a ride home, and then told me he had seen the incident and had gotten the guy’s plate and would take care of it for me.

  6. KC says:

    Don’t you wish you could have the presence of mind to look over the body of the bonehead who’s so happy your body is coming together so well for you and say, “Can’t say the same for you, pal. Sorry.”

    And as for the shouters, not one of them would have the courage to confront you singly like that. They only have courage in packs, the cowards, because they know individually, you could kick their asses.

    Be of good cheer, because you rock.

  7. Chipotle Chipotle says:

    Sorry for your injury, but happy that there was a witness who was a policeman. Boneheads suck!

  8. Brianne says:

    My “favorite” bonehead as of late has been the rollerblader in Central Park that comes flying down the hills from the reservoir, just barely missing the runners. My theory is, if you’re on wheels, you should be in the bike lane.

    I always wonder what encourages the car screamers and cat-callers. Has this worked for them in the past? My guess is no.

  9. Chipotle Chipotle says:

    My guess is no as well. That is why they do it and then move away. I have never heard someone say “I was running and I stopped because some guy screamed at me from his car and it was love”

  10. Rachel says:

    Not too long ago I was running near my house and a (most likely homeless) guy was yelling at me from across the street… nothing super creepy but just really annoying, like “Yeah! Keep it up! Run faster! FASTER!!” I get pissed off easily when I am running so I yelled back, “Could you please f*@& off?” His response: “No! I won’t! … I’ll go to hell, though!”

    hahaha, it made me laugh and I felt like we shared a moment.

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