I didn’t go to the 5k and not just because I don’t run 5ks. I didn’t head to the Mix n’ Mingle. And I said no to a perfectly nice runner who asked me out. Why?
I don’t date runners.
Don’t get me wrong. There are a slew of successful running relationships. It even works well for some. But it’s rare. Better to be safe and NEVER date a runner.
1. Dudes can’t handle you being faster. Like most runner dudes, one of the runners I dated was obsessed with my race times. He was POSITIVE that he should be able to run faster than me because he had one of those pesky Y chromosomes, despite training WAY less than I did. He never did beat my times. And yes, I dumped him.
2. You need a driver and fan club at your races. We deserve our significant other at miles 5, 13, and 20 to cheer us on. And he should smell great and be ready with a hug, water, and some of our favorite treats at the end of the race. If he’s been running too, he’ll be way too focused on himself. Unacceptable! I want ALL the attention on me. Us running goddesses deserve nothing less!
3. Running should be your ME time. I run alone. Just, me, my treadmill, and my iPad. Maybe you run with your girlfriends or with your club. I don’t share my treadmill and you don’t need to share your friends or your alone time.
4. Running dudes won’t worship your runner-ness. Non-runners are always impressed by your latest run. 5 miles? Amazing. 26.2 miles? They think you have magical powers. Your super strong runner’s body is his wonderland and he thinks you’re superwoman for running it there. A runner will just think you’re normal and THAT is unacceptable!
5. Runner guys won’t be quite as amazed at your ability to pack it away. Guys say they love a girl who eats. And runner girls can eat! I don’t order the salad. I order the steak. And potatoes. And dessert.
Now, I’d be remiss if I didn’t mention a few things that non-runners don’t understand, but they mostly revolve around missing toenails, the compulsive need to run and the extensive funds spent on running “stuff.” But I’m willing to let that go to date the non-runner.
What do you think? Do you prefer runners or non-runners?