My divorce made me a tightwad, which means I have no allegiance to brands. I buy what’s on sale. Some of you will brand me a lunatic, but yep, that applies even to running shoes.
But I broke down and paid full price recently, for not just one product, but two. Like Odysseus, I was lured by a siren call – by brilliant marketing, smart graphics and, most importantly, the promise that never again will I stink.
Marketed to athletes.
As P.T. Barnum – or was that Bill Bowerman? – said, there’s one born every minute.
Here, we have 48 hours of protection from Degree – not just protection, but “expert” protection – infused with something called “motion sense” and said to be activated by movement. Presumably, if I’m just sitting around like a sloth in the sun I’m out of luck.
So of course I had to buy another kind for my rest days. I now possess Secret “Clinical Strength” “Sport”, “with a fresh sport scent designed for athletes.”
Alarmingly, this Secret has a “marathon fresh scent,” which almost kept me from buying it. I haven’t run a marathon yet, but based on my aroma after a half, I’m thinking this is not a good thing.
Marathon is to fresh, as Little Debbie is to healthy, if you know what I mean.
But I’m open-minded, and maybe there’s some lovely smell that kicks in around Mile 19. Mint, perhaps? Eucalyptus?
Later in the week, I came across these gloves at the Sports Authority. It is entirely possible that I have overdosed on snark, so forgive me for what follows. I am sure that these have many fine wicking qualities, but running gloves? Really?
Ours used to be such a minimalist sport. Remember when we used to tell people, all you need to run is a good pair of shoes and a stopwatch? Then we needed blister-free socks. And Lycra. And belts. And a heart-monitor, and a GPS, and assorted bonk-busting goo. And now apparently I need marathon-scented deodorant, so I won’t stink, stank, stunk. Where will it stop? Poking around the Internet, I found this: Runner’s shampoo. With conditioner.
So far, no runner’s mouthwash, no runner’s toothpaste, although these can’t be far behind. Crest That Hill? AIM high? I’ll stop now; going out for a pun…er…you know what I mean.
Salties, what’s the most unusual running-related product you’ve found?
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