Stink, Stank, Stunk: Weird Products for Runners

Salty

Salty

Salty has written 331 posts on Salty Running.

Mommy, lawyer, runner, writer. Competitive runner working on coming back after baby #3. Legal career on hiatus while staying home with the kids (ages 5, 4 and 1.5). Salty Running boss.

My divorce made me a tightwad, which means I have no allegiance to brands.   I buy what’s on sale.  Some of you will brand me a lunatic, but yep, that applies even to running shoes.

BEHOLD! Marathon Fresh Scent!

But I broke down and paid full price recently, for not just one product, but two. Like Odysseus, I was lured by a siren call –  by brilliant marketing, smart graphics and, most importantly, the promise that never again will I stink.

Behold: Deodorant.

Marketed to athletes.

As P.T. Barnum – or was that Bill Bowerman? –  said, there’s one born every minute.

Here, we have 48 hours of protection from Degree – not just protection, but “expert” protection –  infused with something called “motion sense” and said to be activated by movement.  Presumably, if I’m just sitting around like a sloth in the sun I’m out of luck.

So of course I had to buy another kind for my rest days.  I now possess Secret “Clinical Strength” “Sport”, “with a fresh sport scent designed for athletes.”

Alarmingly, this Secret has a “marathon fresh scent,” which almost kept me from buying it.  I haven’t run a marathon yet, but based on my aroma after a half, I’m thinking this is not a good thing.

Marathon is to fresh, as Little Debbie is to healthy, if you know what I mean.

But I’m open-minded, and maybe there’s some lovely smell that kicks in around Mile 19.  Mint, perhaps? Eucalyptus?

Here is my new soap, “Sports Complex” soap, whatever that means, Sudz by Kiss My Face.

Later in the week, I came across these gloves at the Sports Authority.  It is entirely possible that I have overdosed on snark, so forgive me for what follows. I am sure that these have many fine wicking qualities, but running gloves?  Really?

Do we really need special gloves for running?

Ours used to be such a minimalist sport. Remember when we used to tell people, all you need to run is a good pair of shoes and a stopwatch? Then we needed blister-free socks. And Lycra. And belts. And a heart-monitor, and a GPS, and assorted bonk-busting goo.   And now apparently I need marathon-scented deodorant, so I won’t stink, stank, stunk. Where will it stop? Poking around the Internet, I found this:  Runner’s shampoo.  With conditioner.

So far, no runner’s mouthwash, no runner’s toothpaste, although these can’t be far behind. Crest That Hill? AIM high?  I’ll stop now; going out for a pun…er…you know what I mean.

Salties, what’s the most unusual running-related product you’ve found?

 

 

10 Responses to “Stink, Stank, Stunk: Weird Products for Runners”

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  1. Paulette says:

    Wow that’s hilarious. Marathon is most definitely not fresh! I’m curious about the Degree one though…

  2. Salty Salty says:

    I thought of you last night when I saw a presidential campaign ad featuring a mom running with a running stroller! Let’s just say I won’t be buying what that ad is selling!

  3. Diane H says:

    Let me know if anyone finds wine and dark chocolate specially formulated for runners… I’ll be all about that… :D

  4. I have BOTH those deodorants in my drawer. Unfortunately, I am still pretty ripe after my runs. I have found that a lot of time the problem is the clothes themselves! Even after a wash in my ‘Tide Sport’, my clothes hold onto to the sweat and stink from past runs. I have found the heavy Fabreexe scent in the detergent at least masks the worst of it.

    • Mace Mace says:

      Tide Sport! Of course! How could I have forgotten that one? On the topic of deodorant generally, is anyone else uncertain about applying it for running, anyway? Unless you’re racing, or running with a group and needing to protect innocent bystanders, shouldn’t we just sweat, like our bodies are designed to do? Also, wondering if anyone has tried just plain ol’ baking soda, like some green-types recommend.

      • Mint says:

        I think you are spot on with this post (and hilarious btw), but I have to say I LOVE Tide Sport. Not necessarily for just running clothes – but I love the smell of it – particularly on sheets. Good stuff.

    • Diane H says:

      Have you tried some plain white vinegar in the wash (i put it in my bleach dispenser). I’ve used that with success to get rid of stubborn smellss

  5. Nutmeg says:

    Is it weird that I read the PDA on the glove label and immediately thought of Public Displays of Affection while running?

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