Today I’m here to give you a list of 5 things about the Olympics. And no, that’s not going to be a run-down of the colors of the Olympic Rings. Oh no. As requested by several Salty Runners I am back this Friday to talk about sex. Yes, you heard me, Pepper’s getting spicy again. But this time not just talking about plain ol’ sex. I’m talking sex at the Olympics!
There is plenty of news about Sex at the Olympics this year. Perhaps those Olympic Runners have been reading Salty Running and have decided to take Pepper’s strategy for racing well to the highest of levels? Well maybe not, but you can be certain with all these young fit athletes at the top of their game in London it’s no surprise there is plenty of dormroom fun going on behind the scenes.
For those of you bored with runners’ stats or athlete training plans or Bob Costas and his bizarre trivia, I am here to spice up your Friday and point you to the sexiest Olympic Running topics. Here goes!
1) The Olympics last 17 days and this year the athletes will each be receiving an average of 15 condoms. That’s a decent ratio of sex to non-sex days for people trying to win gold! 150,000 free condoms! It’s widely speculated (and reported) that Olympians have themselves lots of fun in Athlete’s Village. Though rumor has it that this may be a big joke played on race organizers and that there will be many athletes taking home hundreds of condoms this year. However, given what I know about athletes, I tend to believe most of those condoms will stay in London ;)
2) Will we see more sexy warm up routines on the track at the Olympics this year? Likely not, but I would certainly pay to see more male runners in short shorts having this much fun pre race!
3) Sexy images from London are selling; sex, however, is not. While photographers are shooting all kinds of sexy Olympian eye candy, prostitution (which is legal in London) will be taking an economical hit as London has cracked down on brothels around the Olympic Games.
4) You might have heard the scandals about recent doping by some top Kenyan athletes. But have you considered that some male athletes might accidentally fail their drug screenings after taking penis-enlarging pills? Seriously, this is not a joke! Athletes may only intend to enhance performance, in ahem, bed, but these certainly magical enlarging capsules could also unfairly boost their sprint times. Go longer … and faster! LaShawn Merritt has learned this the hard way (pun most certainly intended) but will be allowed to race at the games!
5) Not all Olympic Athletes will be attending raging sex parties. Athletes like 29 year-old Lolo Jones are waiting for their wedding day to go there, let’s just hope she doesn’t miss out on gold to an athlete who did try Pepper’s pre-race strategy for top performance! She even mentioned in an interview that preserving her virginity has been the hardest thing she’s ever done. She was homeless as a child and has trained herself into a world-class athlete, but not having sex has been the hardest thing she’s ever had to do! Oh, and she mentioned that guys cite my scientifically proven hypothesis to get her in the sack, “I’ve had guys tell me, ‘Hey you know, if you have sex it’ll make you run faster!”
Now that we know many Olympians will be having sexy fun during the Olympics there’s no reason we can’t applaud their athleticism while letting their perfected bodies inspire us in our own sexy arenas! Oh and before I go I have two words: Ryan. Lochte.
Have a sexy weekend, everyone!